


reflection

by lip2jin



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lip2jin/pseuds/lip2jin
Summary: i feel like this was inspired by a mix of love simon and the half of it
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 139





	reflection

Hyunjin paced back and forth in front of her house. Her yard was sparkling with water from the sprinklers and she managed to swerve a mini puddle forming on the sidewalk. She clutched the letter in her hand a bit tighter, hoping she won’t accidentally drop it and get it dirty.

It was almost six in the morning with no wink of sleep it felt like. She was a nervous wreck trying to figure out if she should or should not deliver this letter to the mailbox across the street.

After reading the school newspaper, she finally decided to craft out a letter to the student who writes on the advice column. Ryujin made fun of her the moment she brought up the idea, making it a point to tease about how she even reads the school news in the first place. If Hyunjin was being completely honest, she only read it for one thing and one thing only.

Jeon Heejin’s Advice Column.

And she just so happens to live across the street from her.

Hyunjin flinched, her phone buzzing in her back pocket. The caller ID flashed a silly picture she took of Ryujin when she wasn’t looking. “What?!” She whisper yelled, rolling her eyes at the sound of her best friend’s laughter.

“I can see you standing in front of your house. Hurry up before she sees you!” She whirled around to face Ryujin’s house two doors down from her own, scowling when she notices said girl waving from her room window. She hung up before anything else could be said.

She checked the time on her phone. Had she really been standing there for thirty minutes?! A rush of panic engulfed her and she eyed the red brick mailbox. It would only take her like fifteen steps to get over there, she thought to herself, trying to cover up her nervousness with determination.

With her eyes glued to the target, she stepped off the sidewalk. In her blind mission, she had missed a car coming her way. It honked noisily but came to a halt several feet away from her. Hyunjin’s eyes widened when she realized who the driver was. She quickly shoved the letter in her sweatshirt pocket and turned to give the girl an apologetic look.

She ignored the nonstop buzzing in her pocket, knowing full well it was Ryujin wigging out. “I almost hit you! Did you not check both ways?!”

“I’m sorry, Jungeun.” Her classmate parked the car and slipped out, eyeing Hyunjin suspiciously. She tried to think of ways to make her escape, but to no avail. She was about to crumble under Jungeun’s gaze.

“What are you doing over here, anyway?” She took a couple seconds to come up with a lame excuse Jungeun probably wouldn’t fall for.

“To grab my soccer ball!” And with that she made a run for it back to the safety of her house, not looking back to notice the confusion settling over Jungeun’s face. It was way too early in the morning for all of this.

Hyunjin plopped onto her couch, fishing out the slightly crumpled up letter she hastily shoved in her pocket earlier. She peeked outside the window to see Heejin getting into Jungeun’s car.

Alright, so her first attempt was an epic fail.

After twenty minutes of rushing to get ready, Hyunjin heard a honk coming from outside. It was the sound of Ryujin’s hand me down slugbug. “Hurry up, we’re going to be late for school!”

She threw her backpack in first and sat down after brushing some crumbs off the seat. “You really got to clean out your car.” Ryujin responded by tossing an empty soda can towards her.

“I will. Once you give Heejin your letter!” They slowly pull out of the driveway and Hyunjin dramatically reached out for the mailbox she spent the better half of her morning staring at. Ryujin glanced over. “Where is it? Just drop it in now while you can!”

Hyunjin scowled, realizing she tossed the letter onto her desk before she started getting ready for school. “Forget it. I’ll never be able to give it to her.”

Ryujin rolled her eyes, carefully rounding the corner of the street in case she drives over the curb again. “First of all, you’re not actually handing it to her. Second, if you really can’t do it, then I will do it for you.”

The idea rolled around in her mind, finally reaching a conclusion once they arrived to school. “Would you really help me? What’s in it for you?” Hyunjin slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked up the front steps with Ryujin sticking to her side. They were thrown into the huge morning crowd of students all rushing to get to class.

She flashed her a devilish grin. “Join me for the school talent show. I need a singer.” Hyunjin furrowed her brows. Performing in front of everyone was a hard pass, let alone _sing_. It took her years to pluck up the courage to even start singing along to the radio in front of Ryujin, her best friend.

“You can get anyone, why me?”

“You fit the part.”

———

“Guess who I saw this morning.” Jungeun tossed her lunch tray onto the table, the goop of food jiggling while her apple threatened to wobble off. Heejin raised her left eyebrow, signaling with her eyes to continue. “Hyunjin.”

“Oh.” She slid onto her seat and immediately bit into her lunch. The cafeteria was extra crowded today because of the special menu, meatball and spaghetti sandwich. Jungeun eyed the meatball slowly slipping out of the bread in Heejin’s grasp. “I don’t think we’ve talked since freshman year.”

Jungeun hummed, not thinking much of it. She had a few classes with Hyunjin and knew she was neighbors with Heejin, but that was pretty much it. “You guys practically live ten feet away from each other though.” She chomped into her apple, cringing when the sourness hit. Maybe she should’ve packed a lunch today.

“Yeah, but we still don’t really talk besides a hello here and there.” Another bite into her messy sandwich, this time the meatball actually slipping out. Jungeun sat back, scooting her lunch tray away. How can Heejin eat something like that? “I probably talk to Ryujin more since she’s in one of my classes.”

“Her best friend?”

Heejin whipped around, checking if the coast was clear before lowering her voice a bit conspiratorially. “I feel like they’re more than friends.”

Jungeun scoffed and waved her hand dismissively. “Heejin. I think you’re gaydar is way off on that one.”

Heejin let out a whine, shoving the rest of the sandwich in her mouth. “I swear they are!” She was convinced that Ryujin played for her team at least. And judging by the way that they were always together, Heejin could only assume. Although going off by that idea, the same could be said about her and Jungeun.

They got up to put away their trays and pushed the door open to the school yard. Heejin checked the time on her phone; they had thirty minutes left until the next class. Around them were a few other groups huddled by the picnic tables outside and the large trees that provided shade from the heat.

Jungeun plopped onto the grass, not caring if her pants were going to get dirty. “Are you not going to sit?” She looked up at Heejin, holding up a hand to her face to cover from the sun.

Just as Heejin was about to respond, the door opened again, revealing the two girls from their conversation not too long ago. “Do you really think my gaydar is off with those two?” She heard Jungeun laugh lightly, falling back onto the dry grass.

“Give it up girl.”

———

Normally, Heejin wouldn’t wake up to her face being pushed against her laptop keyboard, but her homework was particularly boring tonight. Reading fifty pages of a book? Among all the other work she needed to get done. She reached for her phone, clicking on a text from Jungeun.

She groaned and pressed call. “I’m sorry, I haven’t submitted the column yet.” Heejin heard a deep sigh on the other side of the line. She quickly turned on her laptop, hoping everything she had on was saved.

“I mean, you still have two days to turn it in, but you usually have them done within the hour you get them. Are you having trouble this time?”

Heejin read over the prompt. Jungeun was right, she _was_ having trouble. “No, it’s fine. I’ve just been busy this week.” She hoped Jungeun would buy into her little lie.

“Alright. Well, let me know if you need anything!” And with that, the line went dead. She let out a deep breath, reading over the prompt again.

_How do you move on from a crush?_

All this time, Heejin would only ever get silly questions, but she took this one seriously. How _do you_ move on from a crush? She closed her laptop and moved from her desk over to her bed. She thought the question over one more time before her eyes trailed over to the pile of mail on her nightstand.

There was a letter that had no return address, no writing at all on it. She snatched it up and carefully opened it, curious as to what it could possibly be.

**_Dear Heejin,  
Instead of sending in a question to the school paper, I wanted to personally ask for advice in private.  
You see, I am just like you.  
But I’m afraid that I don’t have the courage to be proud of who I am.  
How did you do it? How did you deal with it all?_ **

Heejin furrowed her eyebrows. The letter was only signed **_Yellow_**. She flipped the paper, hoping to find more, but there was only instructions written on how to answer back. She had no idea what to think of this, as if she wasn’t already struggling with her actual advice column.

Her first thought was, who could this person be? Second thought was, how do they know where she lives? She figures from all the parties she’s thrown at her place when her parents were gone. The whole senior class probably knew which neighborhood she lived in.

It had been a while since she’s thought about how her life was before coming out freshmen year. And even after all this time, she’s never found someone just like her. _Who could it possibly be?_

Heejin remembers being accepted by her family and friends, her peers at school, but the subject was still the talk of the town for a bit. Everyone asked her all sorts of questions, some she didn’t even have the answers to, but with each passing day they slowly lost interest.

Jungeun stuck with her through it all, the only person who seemed to treat her just the same as before. Maybe it was because she sensed it the entire time and was waiting for Heejin to finally admit to it out loud. Now three years later and Jungeun jokes about having better gaydar than her.

The clock flashed the time. It was midnight and Heejin could feel her eyes slowly drifting to sleep. She tossed the letter back onto the nightstand and turned off the light. She will face all of these questions tomorrow.

———

Hyunjin stared out the window, daydreaming about jumping into the comfort of her bed and wasting time away on animal crossing. She needed to drown out the anxiety she felt about Heejin reading her letter. If it even got to her. She felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Do you want to borrow my notes?” Her eyes dropped down to the notebook Jungeun was holding up. “It doesn’t seem like you got anything done today.” Hyunjin scowled, snatching the notes while the other girl just grinned. She wondered why she was offering to help in the first place.

The classroom was silent, everyone working on the assignment the teacher gave to them. Hyunjin was halfway through copying Jungeun’s notes when she felt another tap on her shoulder. “Are you, by chance, interested in being interviewed for the school paper?”

Hyunjin’s blood ran cold. _Why_ was Jungeun asking this _now?_ Did she know something?! There was no way-

“-since I always see you carrying the newspaper around, it seems like you’re actually interested in what we write.”

Hyunjin blew out the breath she was holding very quietly. Now she was embarrassed that Jungeun even noticed. Was she really the only student who bothered reading it?

“W-What would it be about?”

“Honestly? Anything.”

She thought it over, really thought it over. Maybe this way she can get closer to Jungeun and subsequently, closer to Heejin.

“Sure, why not.”

———

“What is this?” Hyunjin stared down at the sheet of paper Ryujin handed to her. She scanned the page, it looked like song lyrics. “Don’t tell me this is the song we’re doing for the talent show.”

Ryujin gave her a wicked grin, throwing herself onto the bed next to her. The sun was setting outside Hyunjin’s room window, but they had barely gotten home from soccer practice. It was a rough practice that day, she could barely move her legs without wincing.

“I never would have pegged you for a Disney fanatic.” She watched Ryujin roll her eyes.

“It’s the theme of the talent show this year. Anything Disney.” Hyunjin smirked, shoving Ryujin’s shoulder. She tried to ignore the dooming feeling settling over her. Ryujin was going to be by her side on that stage, but she still felt an overwhelming sense of nervousness.

“Any way we can pull out of it?” She hopefully threw out.

Ryujin looked at her and sighed. “No. Plus, I saw Heejin’s name on the list.” This caught Hyunjin’s attention. She straightened her back against the headboard. What was Heejin going to sing for the talent show? Everyone knew she had an amazing voice judging by the multiple competitions she’s attended and won.

How was Hyunjin supposed to compare? She was going to make an absolute fool out of herself _and_ Ryujin. “Hyunjin, there’s no reason to freak out! You have a great voice.” The comforting hand on her arm eased her nerves a bit. Just a tiny bit.

“Now I’m wondering if this all will be worth it.” Hyunjin could simply stop her efforts on writing letters and having Ryujin send them for her. She felt a light slap on her leg, making her flinch.

“I know what you’re thinking. We made a deal! Besides, it’s about time you did something about your crush on Heejin.” She let out a laugh at the incredulous look on Hyunjin’s face. “I’m over the years worth of pining you’ve done. It’s our senior year now.”

The atmosphere turned weirdly sentimental, a rare occasion for the two friends. They never really talked about feelings and stuff all too often. Ryujin’s face softened, patting Hyunjin on the leg before she swung herself off the bed. “Hyunjin, you deserve love too.”

Her best friend’s words echoed in Hyunjin’s mind as she watched her leave. She doesn’t even think Ryujin realized the gravity of her own words and just how much it meant to her. She was the one and only person who Hyunjin was out to, and she was grateful for the never ending support she got from her, even through all the teasing.

She slowly got off the bed and limped over to her window, catching Ryujin running across the street and into her own home. Her eyes trailed back to the house in front of hers. Hyunjin wondered if Heejin would ever bother to write back, if she even cared about her letter, or if she had even seen it yet. Was Heejin creeped out? Ryujin _did_ leave the letter in her mailbox, not something a normal person would do.

Hyunjin plopped onto her desk chair, sighing loudly with her hands covering her face. She was surely making a fool out of herself.

An hour had passed and Hyunjin was nose deep in her science homework when her phone buzzed. She didn’t recognize the number, but she swiped to answer the call. “Hello?”

“Hey! It’s Jungeun.” Hyunjin set her pencil down and held her breath. She really needed to chill out, but it was like the girl was onto her or something. She shook the paranoid thoughts out of her head. “I’m at Heejin’s across the street and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and start the interview now?”

Her phone slid out of her grasp, fumbling around with it before it could fall onto the desk. She could hear Jungeun’s concerned voice calling out her name over the line before she finally got a grip. “S-Sure.”

“See you soon!”

Hyunjin hung up and let out a loud, anxious filled breath. What was she thinking?!

———

After the call, Hyunjin paced around her room for a full minute before racing over to Heejin’s house. Now she was stuck at her front door, debating if she should knock or run back to the safety of her home. She was insane for agreeing to this, did Heejin even know she was coming over? What authority did Jungeun have inviting her over when she didn’t even live there?!

This was a bad idea.

Just as she was about to step back, the door swung open. “Oh, hey!” It was Heejin. The panic coursing through her veins paralyzed her body, her foot hanging backwards in midair. “You can come inside.” An awkwardness settled over them, Heejin staring at her expectantly with the door open.

A beat and another beat and she was pulled into the house. “It was getting cold.” Heejin commented off-handedly as she bounded up the stairs. “Jungeun’s in my room!” Hyunjin knew the layout of her house from the few times she’s been inside, and she figured Heejin was aware of that.

She made her way up the stairs after her, watching as Heejin disappears into the room next to her bedroom. The door was ajar, Hyunjin spotting a few guitars lined up against the wall and a computer off to the side.

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin clutched her chest, her heart beating a million times per second. Jungeun had a smirk on her face, pulling her into Heejin’s room and onto the bed like it was her own. She situated herself on the edge of the bed, finding it uncomfortable that she was in a room, Heejin’s room, with Jungeun. “It’s okay, you know. Heejin doesn’t mind.”

Still, she fidgeted on the side of the bed, boring a hole into the ground to avoid being nosy and looking around the room. She felt the bed bounce, glancing over to see Jungeun getting comfortable. Hyunjin’s eyes flitted over to the nightstand, a familiar looking envelope laying out. Opened. She gulped.

“Anything you have in mind?”

Her thoughts were interrupted and she tore her gaze away from the letter. “W-What?”

“Anything you have in mind for your interview?” Oh right, the interview. Hyunjin almost forgot about all of that, the real reason she was even in Heejin’s house currently. “If not, I have some basic questions we can go through.” She just noticed the notepad on Jungeun’s lap.

Every now and then, Hyunjin would read over Jungeun’s sections too, just out of pure curiosity. She’s done a lot of student interviews during her time as the head writer these past years. Not only was she popular from being associated with Heejin, she was also approachable and sociable. See she even managed to convince Hyunjin to do an interview.

“Are you sure that I won’t be too boring?”

Jungeun winked at her. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you sound _that_ boring.”

———

**_Dear Yellow,  
I feel honored that you seek advice from me, but only you can be in charge of your own story.  
I can only encourage you to stand up and be brave, to fight for the things that you want._ **

Heejin tapped her pencil against the side of her head. Why did this sound so formal? It wasn’t like she was writing an essay or a college admissions paper, she was just writing to a fellow student. She crumpled up the letter and tossed it behind her.

She strummed her guitar, ignoring the laughs coming from her room next door. Heejin had no idea why Jungeun picked Hyunjin for her next student interview, but she believed in the girl’s writing skills. For being her neighbor, Heejin didn’t really know Hyunjin all that well, even after all these years.

Hyunjin moved in across the street the summer before freshman year and their parents made it a point for them to befriend each other, up until school actually started and Heejin naturally drifted away. Come to think of it, Hyunjin didn’t bother coming by her house when news of her coming out floated around the school, or any time after that. She started to hang out with Ryujin more and more while Heejin clung onto Jungeun.

No hard feelings though, it wasn’t like they were proper friends to begin with.

Let’s try this again.

**_Dear Yellow,  
It’s nice to finally meet someone like me.  
I understand your worries, I once felt them too, but the moment you get it off your chest- it’s worthwhile. Some might never understand and give you a hard time, but know that I’ll be right by your side, rooting for you._ **

Heejin held up the letter, pleased enough with this version; it only took her like ten-something tries to get it right. She folded it up and slid it inside a new envelope. She quickly ran outside, realizing just how dark and late it was, and slid the letter into her mailbox. She should probably send Hyunjin home before her parents got back, she wasn’t down to get questioned about having anyone but Jungeun inside their house so late on a school night.

Without a knock, Heejin swung open the door to her room. She skidded to a halt, not expecting the sight in front of her. They were sitting up on her bed and Jungeun had her face dangerously close to Hyunjin’s.

“W-What are you guys doing?” Heejin scolded herself for stuttering. She looked between the two, Hyunjin moving far away from Jungeun, face reddening from the situation. An intense wave of emotion creeped throughout her body, and Heejin couldn’t quite place what that feeling was. Jungeun raised her eyebrows, looking at her expectingly, completely ignoring Heejin’s question. “I just came to say it’s getting late. Hyunjin, you should head home.”

The two friends engaged in a stare down while Hyunjin gathered herself to leave the room, muttering a quiet goodbye before closing the door behind her. Jungeun sighed exasperatedly and fell back onto the bed. “Mind telling me what the hell all of that was about?”

———

That was weirder than weird. The weirdest encounter she’s ever had in her entire high school life. What game was Jungeun playing at? Was Hyunjin that obvious? She was so wrapped up in the events that transpired that she nearly missed Heejin’s mailbox. The signal flag was up just like she instructed Heejin to do when she delivered something back.

Hyunjin checked behind her, no one in sight before she speedily opened the box and grabbed the envelope inside.

She tapped her desk and shook her legs anxiously. A full ten minutes went by since she ran back home and now she was sitting in her room, the letter from Heejin taunting her almost. She jumped when her phone buzzed.

“So she wrote back?”

“How do you know that?!”

“I saw you outside her house.”

Hyunjin resisted rolling her eyes. “Do you always watch me from your window?” She swiveled her chair to face away from the object causing her worries. It was time she shifted her attention over to her friend and her creepy ways.

She could almost hear Ryujin rolling her eyes, but she heard her loud scoff instead. “Not my fault my bed is right by my window. I guess you don’t need my help anymore?” It came off more as a statement rather than a question, making Hyunjin think for a second.

She nodded her head before voicing out her next words. “Yeah, I’ll deal with it on my own now, thanks.”

“Doesn’t mean you can back out of the talent show though!” Hyunjin chuckled and hung up the phone, swiveling back to face the envelope, tearing it open. She was dying to know what Heejin wrote back.

———

**_Dear Heejin,  
To be honest, I wasn’t expecting a reply back. You have proved me wrong.  
Thanks for your kind words, but I don’t think that I’m quite ready yet. I just want some more time to let it all sink in.  
Tell me about yourself, Jeon Heejin._ **

———

A month went by and after many exchanges, Heejin was dying to know who was behind the poetic words and silly doodles. She never understood how the letters showed up in her mailbox, without fail, every other day. How has she not figured it out by now? She was convinced it was some ghost trying to prank her.

“What has you so distracted lately?” Jungeun was on the bed, Heejin’s bed, working on homework she had put off all week. She crumpled up a piece of notebook paper and tossed it at her head. “Hello? Earth to Heejin.”

She ignored her friend and continued to stare off into space. Heejin was at her desk, another letter sitting out in front of her. This one was particularly hard to respond to. “I’m going to go to Hyunjin’s if you don’t pay attention to me!”

That was another thing, Jungeun and Hyunjin’s blooming friendship. Heejin guesses they got closer through the interview for the school paper, but it still didn’t explain that first night she saw them on her bed, together. Her heart sped up a little quicker at the thought.

Yes, Jungeun is her best friend, no girl could ever come in the way of that. She didn’t feel threatened, but the girl in question was Kim Hyunjin. Heejin let her mind float momentarily, thinking about the girl who has been her neighbor for years.

The girl was strange, not at all talkative, maybe even awkward? She found her breathtakingly beautiful though, and knew she was a talented soccer player from the games she was forced to attend. They just never got around to getting close again.

She wondered how Jungeun managed to befriend someone like her.

“Going once... going twice...” Jungeun dramatically slid off the bed, making it a point to drag out the action. Heejin took a deep breath.

“I think I like someone.”

Jungeun froze in place, half of her body hanging off the foot of the bed. “What?! Who?” She swung her body up, steadying herself at the sudden and fast movement. The look she was giving made Heejin want to shrivel up. She tried to think of how to explain herself.

“That’s the problem, I have no idea who.”

“What do you even mean by that?”

Heejin handed her the letter, allowing Jungeun to skim over the words, eyes widening after each sentence. She felt like she was intruding on a private conversation between this **_Yellow_** and her best friend. She handed the letter back after going over it one last time.

“So you have a secret admirer and you didn’t even tell me?”

“That’s what you’re getting from all of this?” Heejin scoffed and placed the letter onto her desk. “Besides, I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Jungeun tapped her chin, face scrunching up in a way to show she was thinking deeply.

“When did you get your first letter?”

“A month ago.” Jungeun threw her hands up like she was defeated, Heejin wanted to laugh at the dramatics but she was way too tense. Was it silly of her to like a girl she’s only been talking to for a month? Someone who’s hidden her identity this entire time?

“Any ideas on who it is?” Heejin shrugged and jumped onto her bed, Jungeun joining right after. “Have you tried catching them?” Another shrug, but it was met with a judging stare.

“I wake up to letters in my mailbox, so they must be delivering them late at night.” Jungeun slapped the bed out of excitement, her smile growing wider.

“I have an idea.”

———

**_Dear Heejin,  
I want to be honest about one thing.  
I’ve liked you for quite some time now and ever since we started exchanging letters, I’ve grown more and more scared to face you in person.  
I don’t expect you to feel the same way.  
I appreciate you so much, Heejin.  
I’ll always be thankful for the time that you give me._ **

———

Like clockwork, literally, Hyunjin’s alarm went off at one in the morning. Except this time she slept right through it. Soccer practice had been draining her harder than ever, prepping for the final match against their rival school in a few short days.

She stared at her clock with tired eyes. In Hyunjin’s last letter she finally confessed. A long time coming she thinks. She decided she couldn’t wait for Heejin’s response, so she wrote up another letter to send tonight.

She felt around for her phone and quickly dialed a number. “Stop pretending you were asleep. Can you do me a favor?”

They stayed on the call as Hyunjin watched from her bedroom window. Ryujin trudged up to Heejin’s mailbox, slipping the envelope inside. She grumbled over the phone line. “I thought you were dealing with it on your own?”  
Hyunjin scanned the street, Jungeun’s car was parked outside. She must have slept over at Heejin’s again. “I am! Just not tonight.” Ryujin was too exhausted to question it, so they said their goodnights and hung up.

She clicked off her nightstand and stared up at the glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling. What will Heejin think if she finds out that it has been her this whole time?

Before she could freak herself out, she closed her eyes, hoping to dream about a certain someone.

“There’s no way-“

“Ha! What did I say.”

“Nope, there’s no way.” Jungeun shook her head vehemently, backing away from the window. Heejin’s gaydar was _never_ right, but most importantly, Jungeun was never wrong. “I don’t think she’s Yellow.”

“What- How can you say that when we literally just saw her put the letter in my mailbox?!” Jungeun shook her head again like a stubborn child.

“We don’t know _what_ we saw. It’s late and dark out.” She explained as if those reasons hindered their eyesight. Who was she kidding?

Heejin didn’t know how to feel. Ryujin was her secret admirer? It didn’t quite add up if she was being honest. As much as she wanted to know who Yellow was, and as much as she wanted to be right over Jungeun for once, the feeling in the pit of her stomach was telling her otherwise.

———

“Are you free Saturday night?” Jungeun tossed her notebook onto the shared desk and seated herself next to Hyunjin. The two haven’t talked outside of class in a while despite Jungeun always hanging around at Heejin’s.

Hyunjin slid her notebook away, covering the page filled with doodles with her arm. Jungeun could still see some peeking out from under, her eyes catching sight of one specifically. A flower. She ignored the weird rush of deja vu and focused her attention back to the conversation.

“Yes, why?”

“Heejin’s having a party. Want to come?” She paused, debating if she should add her next words. “You can bring Ryujin.” Jungeun had a plan, but Heejin was going to kill her for it.

“Alright, sure.”  
The teacher called for their attention and the two girls straightened their backs, flipping through their notebooks to empty pages for another round of boring notes.

Halfway through, Jungeun’s eyes wandered off her own page and onto Hyunjin’s. An odd sense of familiarity oozed from her cursive scrawl. She would have glossed over it, but the more Hyunjin wrote, the more it started to make sense where she had seen the handwriting.

It couldn’t be... could it? But it made a hell of a lot more sense than _Yellow_ being Ryujin...

What would Heejin think? What would this mean to her? Jungeun couldn’t help her mind from being bombarded with questions regarding her best friend.

Before their late night stake out, Heejin had extensively told her about the letters and how she felt. Her eyes sparkled whenever she talked about _Yellow_. What if it was all an elaborate scheme? She would never want Heejin to get hurt, especially over a matter like this.

Jungeun furrowed her eyebrows, thinking hard on what to do, or if she _should_ do anything. She went with the latter, it wasn’t her place to meddle. She glanced at Hyunjin’s face, studying her soft expressions.

She was starting to consider Hyunjin a friend too, even if the other girl didn’t. There was a chance that things won’t go the way she expects with Heejin, but she hoped that it would.

“What, do I have a pen mark on my face?” Hyunjin whispered to her, rubbing at her cheek. Jungeun smiled softly, shaking her head.

“No, I was just staring.” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, her mouth curling down into a frown.

“You’re weird.”

———

Hyunjin alternated between sipping on her milkshake and biting into her burger while Ryujin plunged her fries in ketchup. They were parked at Sonic after their last practice before the game. “By the way, Jungeun invited us to a party on Saturday night. I figured we can go after the game.”

“Jungeun?” Ryujin questioned with her mouth full. “Who’s party?” Hyunjin took a huge bite of her burger, nearly finishing it.

“Heejin’s.” She tried to mumble out incoherently.

“Who’s?”

“Great, so I’ll drive us after the game!”

A car pulled up to the spot next to them, an employee on skates immediately tending to the new customer. They were blasting music loud enough to rock the entire parking lot.

She exchanged looks with Ryujin before they both peered outside the car window, seeing if they could catch who it was. The employee skated away and revealed the two girls in a nice convertible.

“Jungeun?!” The driver lowered her sunglasses, stopping the music. Hyunjin could hear Heejin in the distance protesting. “Fancy seeing you here.” Ryujin pressed the side button to lower her seat back, not wanting to be in the way while Hyunjin spoke through the window, she just wanted to eat her fries in peace.  
“Fancy seeing you here too!”

“Whose car is that?” Hyunjin noticed that the new ride was very different from the usual car Jungeun drove around. This one looked... expensive.

Jungeun pointed at Heejin behind her. “We stole it from her parents.” Heejin nodded along, although a bit absentmindedly, while turning the music back on. Their drinks arrived first, two bright colored slushees, one purple and one blue. “Still coming to Heejin’s this weekend right?”

“That’s who’s party we’re going to?!” Ryujin hissed quietly from beside her. Hyunjin gave her a stern look, successfully shutting her up, and turned back to the other car.

“Of course!” Her eyes trailed towards Heejin longingly. If only she would ever give her the time of day...

Jungeun lowered her sunglasses and placed her hands back on the wheel. “Sweet.” She gave them a little wave and pulled out of the parking spot. Hyunjin could only watch as the nice convertible faded away into the distance. Ryujin hummed lowly, a smirk growing on her face.

Hyunjin held up a hand, putting the key into the ignition. “Save it.”

———

Heejin laid out all the letters she’s received from Yellow, the new one she just retrieved from the mailbox placed right in front of her. She feels a bit bad for not replying faster, she just didn’t know what to say. Was it _really_ Ryujin?

Admittedly she feels weird to finally put a face to the person she’s been writing letters to for the past month, but it wasn’t quite exactly how she imagined. Maybe she imagined someone softer, like the kind words Yellow would write her. Her mind wandered to other possibilities.

What if it was Chaewon from her science class? Or Yeji from gym class? She thought even harder, combing through the list of girls that have caught her attention over the years. Heejin blinked, her mind wandering dangerously now. What about Hyunjin?

She slumped back onto the headboard of her bed, putting her arms behind her head to cushion the impact. Lately, thoughts of Hyunjin had been invading her mind.

_“You invited them to my party?” They were back on the road heading back to her place before her parents found out she took their car. They were supposed to be leaving the next morning on a work trip over the weekend, hence the party. Jungeun scowled at her tone, waving it away dismissively._

_“They’re your neighbors.” She turned the corner and into Heejin’s neighborhood. “They probably would have stopped by from all the noise anyway.”_

_She crossed her arms, Jungeun for sure set her up. “They never show up to my parties, you know that.” The two girls she called neighbors were never really the type to party, even Heejin knew that._

_Not to mention Ryujin was potentially her secret admirer._

_Back while they were at Sonic, she caught Hyunjin glancing at her. Heejin couldn’t help but think back to that night again. She shut the radio off and turned her body towards Jungeun as she parked in the driveway. “What do you think about Hyunjin?”_

_“What do you mean what do I think?” She took off her sunglasses and fluffed out her hair. “She’s a friend.”_

_Heejin stopped Jungeun before she could leave the car. “You never told me what the two of you were doing that time she came over.” There was a second of silence before Jungeun let out a short laugh._

_“Wait, are you serious?” She gave Heejin a weird look, who returned with a serious glare. “I was just picking an eyelash off her face.”_

_The wave of embarrassment washing over Heejin was enough to engulf her whole body. Jungeun let out another laugh, but louder this time, watching her grasp for the car handle. “Heejin, what did you think? Don’t tell me you thought something was going on.”_

_She rounded the car and raised a hand as if to stop her interrogating. Jungeun pushed the car door open, following behind Heejin as she rushed into the house. They both plopped onto the living room couch. “What do you think about Hyunjin?”_

_Heejin was too busy glaring at a spot on the floor to notice Jungeun’s extra curious gaze. “I don’t?” That was a lie, the girl has been on her mind a lot recently. But she was never going to admit that out loud, especially to Jungeun, who would tease her endlessly._

_Jungeun hummed, pulling out her phone to scroll through it. “You should get to know her.” If Heejin didn’t know any better, she would think that her best friend was trying to set her up with Hyunjin._

Heejin reached for the new letter and tore the envelope open.

**_Dear Heejin,  
I’m sure that I’ve made a huge fool of myself in my last letter, and I’m going to make a bigger fool out of myself by saying this next.  
I think from the moment I met you, I felt something, but I obviously had no courage to say anything about it.  
I’d like to think that I’m making some progress in coming to terms with my sexuality._ **

She flipped it around, checking both sides of the letter.

**_I still can’t meet you face to face yet though._ **

Heejin let out a deep sigh. Was she going to feel disappointed when they finally meet? Maybe she was better off not knowing.

She spent the better part of the night crumpling and ripping apart drafts of letters that didn’t feel like enough. Enough to express her emotions, her feelings, her appreciation too.

———

**_Dear Yellow,  
I think I’m the bigger fool, falling for you when I don’t even know who you are._ **

———

Hyunjin tugged on the sleeve of her pink sweatshirt, weaving through the crowd of already drunken teenagers in the living room. She followed Ryujin into the kitchen where Jungeun was, patiently waiting for them with two drinks in hand.

“No thanks, someone’s got to be DD.” Ryujin held up her hand, pushing away the red solo cup. The other two furrowed their eyebrows.

“You live like two houses down.” Jungeun snorted, passing a cup to Hyunjin who took it hesitantly.

“So?” Ryujin dodged Hyunjin’s subtle glare, crossing her arms in stubborn defense and narrowing her eyes at the party cohost.

Jungeun took a swig from the other cup, walking away from them and disappearing into the crowd. “More for me then!” She hollered over her shoulder.

Hyunjin carefully brought the cup up to her mouth. Before she could take a tiny sip, the cup was whacked out of her hand. “Don’t drink that.”

“Why not?”

Ryujin leaned against the counter. Looking around there was a bunch of drinks lined up near them. Where did they even get all this alcohol?

“Do you really want this party to be the first place you get drunk?” She had a good point, they were in Heejin’s house after all. Oh that’s right, _Heejin._ Ryujin took out her phone and checked the time. “It’s eight thirty, we’ll leave at nine.”

Hyunjin watched as Ryujin plopped onto a stool, deflating instantly. Their bodies still ached from the game they played a couple hours earlier. They made a bet; if Hyunjin could score the last goal, they were going to show up to this lame party. Needless to say, she made the goal, much to Ryujin’s dismay. Thirty minutes is an eternity for her friend. “I’m going to get some air.”

She slipped through the sliding glass door and out into the fenced backyard. The night was warm, but there was still a cool breeze that made her shiver as she sat down on the steps. She looked up at the dark clear sky, amazed at the amount of stars that came out of hiding for the night. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“You can even see the big dipper tonight.”

Hyunjin’s eyes shot open, flinching from the voice while she clutched her chest. She froze when she saw who it was. When did she sneak up on her?! While Heejin had her focus up to the sky, Hyunjin took the time to study the girl very briefly before she could notice. Heejin had on a yellow sundress, cup in hand, leaning forward on the deck railings. Her hair was styled into waves, a rare look from the girl.

With every passing second, Hyunjin could feel her heart rate increasing. Like it couldn’t get any worse, Heejin took a seat next to her on the steps, a mere foot away. “I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

She blinked in response, not knowing what to say to that exactly. A swift breeze came across them and they both shuddered, inching closer together to grasp a sense of warmth. Heejin turned her head, face inches away from Hyunjin’s, realizing just how close they have gotten.

In a split second, everything seemed to unravel. Hyunjin’s eyes trapped Heejin’s gaze and it was like something clicked. But it was over in a flash when Hyunjin scooted away. She let down a gulp and brought her hand to the back of her neck, nervously grabbing at it. “Jungeun told me I could bring Ryujin so...”

Heejin brought the cup in her hand up to her mouth, finishing out the rest of the unknown contents with a dissatisfied smack of her lips. Hyunjin could only guess that it was some sort of fruit punch cocktail by the looks of it. She wonders if this was her first drink of the night. “Are you and Ryujin..?”

Now where did that come from?! Hyunjin’s face warped into a look of disgust followed by a short laugh that almost sounded like a scoff. “How did you even come to that assumption?”

Another breeze flew by but they both ignored it this time. Heejin shrugged, staring down into her empty cup. “I just thought since you two spend an awful lot of time together.”

“Not everyone is like you.”

She wanted to take back her words the second they came out of her mouth, but the damage was done.

Hyunjin watched as Heejin furrowed her eyebrows, a look of deep hurt contorting her soft facial features. “And what do you mean by that?” She opened her mouth to apologize, but the sound of the back door sliding open interrupted her.

Heejin got up and dusted off her clothes while Jungeun stumbled towards them, slinging her arm around Heejin’s shoulders. Giving Hyunjin one last glance over, she slid out from under her friend and headed back inside. “What’s her deal?”  
Without answering the girl, Hyunjin quickly followed after Heejin through the crowd of partiers and up the stairs. She spotted a door closing and ran towards it. She could hear the locks clicking when she reached the room.

“Heejin, I’m sorry!” She pounded on the door, hoping the loud music wouldn’t drown out her attempts. After a few minutes of nothing, Hyunjin felt a hand on her shoulder, turning around to see Ryujin, looking apologetic.

“It’s nine o’clock.”

———

Hyunjin peeked her eye open when she felt the chair next to her slide out. Jungeun, like always, tossed her notebook onto their shared desk and plopped onto her chair. She giggled, amused by the dramatics, turning her attention to Jungeun instead of her daydream.

“It feels like this hangover has lasted for days.” She groaned out, slapping her hands over her face. “Oh yeah, what’d you say to Heejin? She was upset all weekend.”

Okay, fun’s over.

The school bell rang out, conveniently distracting them before the teacher called for their attention. The question went unanswered this time, but Hyunjin hoped that Jungeun wouldn’t ask again.

The day seemed to drag on, maybe because it was a Monday or maybe Hyunjin was just anxious to get back home. Even a few hours of animal crossing wouldn’t be able to snap her out of this one. She needed to properly apologize to Heejin right away or else the guilt would eat her alive.

“Can you quit shaking your leg? I’m trying to focus here.” Jungeun frustratingly spat under her breath. Hyunjin stuck her tongue out at her, not at all stopping what she was doing. She checked the clock at the front of the room one last time, the minute hand barely moved an increment.

She basically shot out of the building like a rocket the second the school bell rang again, signaling the end of the last class. Hyunjin needed to beat Heejin back home to drop off a letter too. It was hard to pretend everything was fine over paper, but she hoped to get back on the right foot after talking it out.

She regretted her words even before she saw the hurt it caused Heejin. Hyunjin allowed her fears to overtake her, and for that she was beating herself up over it. Heejin’s silly little comment shouldn’t have been met with such a deeper meaning remark regarding who she was as a person. There was no excusing it.

Hyunjin parked her car on the driveway and snuck towards the mailbox across the street. After dropping the letter off, she bolted back into her car. She kept an eye on her rearview mirror, waiting for Heejin to show up.

Another stare down with the clock. She turned the engine off after five minutes, seeing no point in having her car running. Hyunjin decided to just get out of the car all together and wait in front of her house.

Thirty minutes had gone by and Hyunjin figured Heejin wasn’t coming back home any time soon. She sighed and took out her phone, dialing Ryujin. The line rang a couple times before it was sent to voicemail. She furrowed her eyebrows, confused until she noticed a soccer ball coming towards her.

“I was already on my way.” They practiced their passing in Hyunjin’s front yard, momentarily forgetting about the worries surrounding Heejin. Ten minutes of silence passed and Ryujin spoke up. “Want to talk about it?

“I said something I shouldn’t have.”

Unbeknownst to the girls, Heejin snuck right by them and slipped into her house. The school was a pretty far walk from her neighborhood, but she thought today was a good day to try it for the first time. Bad idea, her legs were for sure going to be aching in the next few days.

She managed to grab the mail, something she’s been doing more often ever since she started getting letters. Her parents were rarely home to retrieve them anyway, their message box was always packed.

Heejin decided to write out a letter before opening the new one she found. The past weekend was heavy on her heart for many reasons, but maybe talking to _Yellow_ about it would help. She peered out her window, watching her neighbors kick around a ball.

How did it get to this point? Being entangled in this exchange with a mysterious admirer?

She clicked her pen and started writing.

“The talent show is coming up. We should start practicing.” Hyunjin groaned, laying flat out like a starfish on the dry grass. Ryujin took a seat next to her with her legs crossed. “The song shouldn’t be that hard to learn.”

“Easy for you to say.” Hyunjin glanced over to the house across the street, noticing the light was on in Heejin’s room. She sat up abruptly. “Plus, it’s in three weeks.” Ryujin followed her gaze then looked back at her, eyebrows raised.

“All the more reason to start practicing now!”

Hyunjin’s focus was completely elsewhere, not tearing her eyes away from the silhouette of Heejin’s head through the window. Ryujin let out a loud sigh and fell back onto the grass, mirroring Hyunjin’s position from a second ago. “It’s official, you’re pathetic.”

She scowled back. “Coming from you. You’re always watching me from your window.” Ryujin let out a laugh, putting her arms behind her head. The sky was turning an orange color, the two not realizing just how long they had been outside.

“Because you’re always out at weird times!”

Fair. It was nice she had a guardian _devil_ looking out for her.

———

**_Dear Heejin,  
Someday, I’ll find the courage to come up to you in person.  
But for now, how have you been doing?  
What was your weekend like?_ **

**_Dear Yellow,  
I haven’t even read your letter yet, but I just wanted to talk about the weekend I had.  
It was terrible. My parents are never home and I always feel alone when Jungeun isn’t around.  
And someone that I was starting to care about said something that hurt me.  
What should I do?_ **

———

Hyunjin stared at the letter. She had been practicing the song for the talent show for hours now and she needed a break. There was so much to think about regarding the message this time. She wasn’t able to find Heejin to relay her apologies.

Wait— someone she _cares_ about?

She read the letter over and over again, ingraining every line to memory. It wasn’t the first time Heejin’s mentioned her parents. Jungeun was more of a family to her than her own parents, which Hyunjin found both sad and sweet.

But wait- someone that she _cares_ about? That line wasn’t registering in Hyunjin’s brain.

She slid off her bed and walked up to her desk, peering out the window. The lights were dim in Heejin’s room. Hyunjin checked the time and grimaced, it was nearing midnight and they had school in the morning. She grabbed a jacket anyway and made her way over.

Hyunjin positioned herself under Heejin’s window, thinking of ways to grab her attention. She examined her surroundings, gaze landing on some pebbles. As she was reaching down to grab a few, the front door swung open.

“What are you doing?”

She fell back in surprise at the sudden appearance of Heejin, who had her hair tied up and ready to do her nightly routine. Hyunjin scrambled onto her feet, nervously brushing off the dirt on her sweats. She couldn’t even look her in the eye, let alone speak up about what she said, but she needed to do something.

Hyunjin shrugged off her jacket and handed it to Heejin, a look of confusion growing on her face. “It’s cold.” She made no move to take it, instead she took a step back into her house.

“You know I can just go back inside-“

“Wait!” Hyunjin surged forward, inserting her foot over the threshold before Heejin could shut the door on her. She held onto the door and opened it wider, awkwardly stumbling inside. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

She caught a glimpse of Heejin rolling her eyes before she headed up the stairs. Hyunjin had no choice but to follow. It didn’t seem like anyone else was home. “Are your parents here?” She shouldn’t have asked that.

Heejin took a turn into the bathroom, picking up a toothbrush and squeezing toothpaste onto it. “No, last minute business trip.” She answered with her mouth full. Hyunjin nodded, feeling slightly less uncomfortable that she was in their house so late at night. At least she didn’t have to deal with parental figures, Hyunjin thought fleetingly. “I saw you coming from my window.”

“Oh.” Well, she should have expected that. Heejin moved past her, making her way down the hall towards her bedroom. “I should probably head back home-“

Hyunjin watched Heejin swivel around, an eyebrow shooting up. “I thought you wanted to talk?” The amount of sass made her want to shrivel up. She felt like her heart could give out any second now. It would be a miracle if Hyunjin came out of this alive. She gulped and followed her into the room.

The last time she was in here was when Jungeun had interviewed her for the school paper. The article came out great, Jungeun really had a way of making her seem a lot less boring than she honestly was. That night ended a bit abruptly if she remembers correctly.

Heejin patted the area next to her on the bed. “You might as well sleep over.” Hold on a second, this was not a part of Hyunjin’s plan at all. She only came here to apologize.

She awkwardly stood in the doorway, shifting her weight from her right leg to her left leg. Hyunjin took a deep breath and decided her next words carefully. “What I said during the party—it was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

Heejin’s lips twisted in contemplation. If she were being honest, she was ready to move past the comment days ago. She was exhausted, mentally and physically, on top of the stress she felt with _other_ things. There wasn’t much of a point hanging onto it. She patted the bed again, inviting Hyunjin to take a seat at least. She just didn’t want to feel lonely tonight, but she wasn’t going to admit that out loud.

“It’s alright.” She slipped under the covers, watching Hyunjin slowly but surely inch closer. “Do you like, never sleep?” The girl shook her head, hesitantly sliding in right next to Heejin. She didn’t have the energy to realize how weird this was, considering they aren’t that close to begin with. Jungeun chose the wrong day to disappear on her.

She pulled the sheets up to her chin and turned to face the other way, clicking off the last source of light illuminating her room. “Hopefully you get some rest tonight.”

Hyunjin checked the bright red numbers on the clock Heejin had on her desk. Midnight. Going to bed was the least of her worries.

———

Jungeun jiggled her spare key into the front door lock and walked inside. Heejin’s place was really like a second home to her, maybe even her first. She spent more time here than anywhere else. She figured she would come by a little earlier this morning to cook them a nice breakfast ahead of their long day of school and newspaper business.

They both have fallen behind on their columns and it was about time they caught back up, especially after the principal, in kinder words, told her that they would stop funding the newspaper club if they kept slacking off.

The house was awfully quiet. Jungeun quickly checked the time on her phone, sliding away the notification she had from a text. Heejin was usually up by now making noise upstairs while she brewed a pot of coffee for the two of them downstairs. “Heejin! You awake?” She clunked up the stairs before taking her boots off halfway through, tossing them down behind her.

She reached Heejin’s room and peeked her head in through the crack. “Come on we’re going to be late! What the—“

Jungeun felt a hand cover her mouth, silencing her and pushing her back out the door. She let herself be dragged down the hall but swiped Heejin’s hand off of her. “Uhh, what did I just witness?”

“Nothing? Weirdo.”

“Oh really? Cause I thought I saw Hyunjin _asleep_ on your bed.” Heejin smacked her friend’s shoulder, trying to shove away the blush creeping up her neck. She hoped Jungeun wouldn’t notice, but she did. “Heejin. Do you like her?”

Many thoughts were swirling her brain. Maybe the two girls found their way to each other sooner than Jungeun had expected.

She knew when Heejin played dumb, and this was one of those instances. “What? No.” Jungeun decided to egg her on.

“I thought you liked Yellow?” The question elicited an eye roll and a groan from Heejin who made her way back to her room. “Or did you forget?” Jungeun received a scowl in response, the two of them peering in to see Hyunjin peacefully sleeping away, unaware of the conversation happening between the two friends.

She watched her face soften before it warped into something unreadable. It was almost like Jungeun could sense Heejin’s inner turmoil, that much was obvious. “Is it possible to fall for two people at the same time?”

———

Hyunjin darted out of Jungeun’s car the second they parked by the school. Her whole morning— scratch that, the night before too, felt like some sort of dream. Or nightmare? She wasn’t all too sure herself. Any moment spent with the two of them she found odd regardless.

She noticed Heejin rush by her before feeling a hand grab her shoulder. “What’s up?” Hyunjin let out a deep sigh of relief, resisting the urge to hug Ryujin right then and there. Finally, a sense of normalcy. “You look like you got no sleep. Hope you were up practicing the song!”

She tugged Ryujin off to the side and away from the crowd of students filing into the building. “No! I spent the night at Heejin’s!” Ryujin’s mouth dropped at the admission. Hyunjin rolled her eyes and picked up her friend’s jaw. “I know. But I did manage to practice the song before that.”

They walked down the school hallway, slowing down when they reached Hyunjin’s classroom. She spotted Jungeun sitting at their desk. “Tell me all about it later!” Ryujin shouted at her, already walking backwards down the hall. The morning bell rang the moment she slipped into the room.

The first half of class went by with no words exchanged between the two. It wasn’t like Jungeun to not be pesky throughout their class together.

She suddenly felt eyes on her. “Hyunjin?” About time, she was starting to think something was seriously wrong. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Wait, what. Where did that come from?

“I’m just saying, I hope you know that.” This all sounded very pointed and ominous. Hyunjin’s paranoia seeped back into her mind, was Jungeun onto her? She pondered a bit harder. Why was she so afraid to tell her when her best friend was Heejin?

That’s right, Heejin.

She let out a light scoff. “Why are you being so serious? It’s not even noon.” Her question went unanswered after Jungeun’s attention was derailed by her phone buzzing. She watched as she opened up a text, catching a glimpse of the message before the girl turned her phone away. “Who’s Sooyoung?” She was glad to turn the conversation around.

“None of your beeswax.” Jungeun stuck out her tongue and they dropped the topic all together, mutually agreeing that they weren’t going to elaborate any further. “I saw your name on the talent show roster. How come you never mentioned it?”

“Because I don’t even want to do it. I made some stupid deal with Ryujin.” It was too late, Hyunjin couldn’t take back her words. She hoped Jungeun wouldn’t read too much into it.

“Must have been a big deal.” Oh she didn’t know the half of it. “No offense, but Heejin is going to win.”

“I don’t think there’s winners—“

They felt a presence next to them clearing their throat. It was their teacher. “Ladies. Am I interrupting?”

“No ma’am.” The two simultaneously answered. Jungeun snickered and Hyunjin playfully scoffed after the teacher left them with a suspicious stare.

———

“Are you sure? Like, a hundred percent sure?”

Hyunjin had done a lot of thinking for the past few weeks. The letters were losing their touch, the concept was sort of flawed in the first place. Why couldn’t she email or message on social media like a normal person? She could tell something else was distracting Heejin.

“I’m sure, Ryujin. I think it’s time.” She peaked through the stage curtains, gulping at the full crowd. The show was starting in five minutes and they were third in line, after their classmate Jiwoo and Heejin.

She felt a squeeze on her shoulder. “I’ll be here if you need me. I know you can do this, though.” Ryujin offered her an encouraging smile before she walked down the steps, taking a seat in the front row.

Hyunjin took a deep breath. This was it.

The lights dimmed before the speakers screeched, someone tapping on a mic.

“Welcome to the annual talent show, that isn’t really a talent show! This year’s theme: Disney!”

Hyunjin sunk further side stage, stepping on someone’s foot while she walked backwards. She felt hands steady her.

“I’m sorry—“

“It’s alright.”

It was Heejin.

“First up we have Kim Jiwoo, opening the show with Frozen!”

Before she could speak, Heejin walked off with Jungeun following close behind. She threw her a quick thumbs up and a good luck, seeming oddly peppy tonight.

Hyunjin joined the applause for Jiwoo’s flawless performance, congratulating the girl as she made her way off the stage. She stood in the wings shaking off her rush of nerves. This was quite possibly the scariest thing she’s ever done.

She watched as Heejin took the stage, sitting on the stool set up behind a mic stand in the center. Her guitar made her look even tinier.

No introduction. Hyunjin held her breath. The soft strums of the strings reached her ears, calming her.

_If I never knew you  
If I never felt this love_

Hyunjin knew this song, she used to play it on an endless loop when she was younger.

_And if I never knew you  
I’d be safe but half as real  
Never knowing I can feel  
A love so strong and true_

The auditorium was completely silent, in awe of Heejin’s voice. Angelic was an understatement. Hyunjin was still holding her breath. She sang with such emotion, so raw and so genuine. Goosebumps.

_And If I never knew you  
I'd have lived my whole life through  
Empty as the sky, never knowing why  
Lost forever, if I never knew you_

The audience erupted in cheers and chants, but the noise around them drowned out the second Heejin looked right at her. The eye contact was fleeting, but it made her mind run wild. The lyrics, did they mean something?

It wasn’t until she heard her name being called did she snap out of her trance. She felt someone push her out onto the stage, freezing at the amount of eyes focused on her. Hyunjin’s sight trailed towards Ryujin, who looked ready to jump onto the stage with her.

Maybe this wasn’t the time.

The auditorium was so silent Hyunjin was sure she could hear a pin drop. She tapped the mic, holding up her hand to shield from the harsh stage lights. How was she going to make it through the song? A cough from the crowd made her flinch.

Panic coursed through her veins. She checked around her, looking for a quick exit, but all she found was Heejin watching her carefully.

Hyunjin shut her eyes painfully tight, letting out a shaky breath.

_Look at me  
You may think you see who I really am  
But you’ll never know me_

Her voice was rough, but she was going to finish what she started. Here goes nothing.

_I will show the world what’s inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am_

Ryujin could not have chosen a better song for her to relate to. Maybe this was her plan all along, what a conniving little—

_Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me  
Why is my reflection someone I don’t know_

_Must there be a secret me I’m forced to hide_

_When will my reflection show who I am inside_

Absolute silence once again. Hyunjin didn’t dare open her eyes. Then she heard Ryujin’s cheers, then some claps, and then some more cheering. She opened her eyes and gasped. A standing ovation.

“Give it up for newcomer Kim Hyunjin! Wow, what a voice! Where has she been all this time?”

The commentator’s comments faded into the background as she felt someone tug her off the stage. Nothing felt real.

“I can’t believe you just did that!” Jungeun’s voice. _She couldn’t either_. “Not that I had doubts or anything.”

Hyunjin whirled around, searching for the one person she wanted to see the most, but came up empty. Did Heejin leave during her song? She nearly missed the way her friend was holding hands with a tall stranger. A girl.

She would definitely need to ask about that later, but for right now...

Jungeun must have noticed her wandering eyes and the distracted look on her face. “She went to the bathroom.” The tone of her voice was a bit suspicious, unreadable, but Hyunjin took off before she could overthink it.

———

The halls were completely empty, everyone still inside watching the long line up of acts. Hyunjin quickly made her way to the bathroom, pushing through the door before she could regret it.

She saw Heejin by the sink, flinching at the sudden entrance. “Jeez, you scared me.”

“Can I say something?” Hyunjin blurted out, refusing to look in the other girl’s direction. Her heart was already pounding uncontrollably.

“Sure?”

There was no coming back from this. No taking back her next words, the implications of what might happen afterwards.

“I’m Ye—“

A flush, and a stall door creaked open to her right, a younger girl popping out. The girl awkwardly snuck in between them to splash water on her hands before fleeing the bathroom, away from the growing tension between the two girls.

Heejin had her brows scrunched up. “You were saying?”

“Never mind!” She tried to make a break for it, but Heejin was faster, grabbing a hold of her hand and pulling her back. Bad move. Hyunjin tripped over feet and toppled onto Heejin, taking them down to the dirty tiles lining the floor.

“I’m so sorry!”

After a second, Heejin’s laugh echoed throughout the empty bathroom. Hyunjin joined, although a bit nervous to be this close to her. Their faces were inches away.

“Tell me what you were going to say.” Heejin’s voice came out in a whisper, her eyes searching Hyunjin’s.

What was hard about all of this when it felt so right? When it gave Hyunjin such immense feelings of joy and a head rush. The more she got lost in pools of dark brown, her worries started to fade into nothing.

“I want to, but I’m scared.” It was the truth, but she had a feeling the other girl was aware. She wasn’t exactly a pro at hiding her feelings. Maybe Heejin knew this whole entire time, just waiting for Hyunjin to get it together and finally come out with it.

Pun intended.

She lifted herself up, her hands on either side of Heejin’s head. She blushed while Heejin reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair that fell forward. Time stilled, Hyunjin soaking up the moment before the peace she felt would inevitably be ripped away.

“Everything will be okay.”

Hyunjin wanted to believe her words so badly, wanted to trust her fully, but they couldn’t know for sure what would happen next. To Hyunjin, to _them_...

———

“You knew this entire time and you didn’t let me know?!” Jungeun grimaced, shrinking back into Hyunjin’s bed. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that girl you were with at the talent show.”

Watching her friends skirt around their feelings was becoming too much. Jungeun needed to come clean.

“That was Sooyoung.” She paused, waving her hand dismissively. “But we need to focus on how to get you and Heejin together.”

Hyunjin covered her face with her hands. “Why would we do that? There’s no point.”

“No point?” Jungeun scoffed. “You have a fat crush on her, and she has a fat crush on you _and_ your alter ego. She likes you times two.”

Hyunjin gave her friend a weird look. “That made no sense. Like at all.”

“It’s true though.”

She groaned, joining the other girl on the bed. Hyunjin had been avoiding Heejin since they left the bathroom the night of the talent show. And it was a difficult feat considering how close they lived to each other.

Jungeun sighed after a while, speaking up again. “Must there be a secret you?” Hyunjin lightly rolled her eyes at the obvious reference. “Do you want to live out your truth or are you comfortable with keeping up a lie?”

Her friend’s words echoed in her head the rest of the night.

———

Graduation. Hyunjin’s high school years have flown by entirely too fast yet so slow towards the end, as if the universe was dragging it out for some type of reason.

She was a different person at the start of high school, but there was one thing that hadn’t changed though, would never really change.

Hyunjin clutched the letter tucked away in her gown with her other hand reaching up to fix her cap. Her phone buzzed with a text from Ryujin: **_don’t trip on your way up._** She looked behind her, instantly spotting her best friend who sent back a thumbs up.

Tripping was the least of her worries. She clutched the letter a bit tighter.

Her eyes searched the crowd of graduates after the cap toss, her heart stuttering once her eyes land on—

Heejin was standing a few feet away from her, looking at her expectantly, like she knew Hyunjin was searching for her. The hold on her letter loosened, the envelope hitting the ground before Hyunjin could get a hold of it.

She watched, frozen, as Heejin picked up the handwritten letter, the crease in between her brows deepening. The gears seemed to shift in her head, finally confirming what she knew all along.

Excuses were on the tip of Hyunjin’s tongue as a reflex, but deep down she didn’t want to run anymore. No more hiding.

Heejin carefully slid her finger under the envelope, pulling out the folded up letter.

**_Dear Heejin,_  
I want to thank you for your patience, for giving me time, for giving me the choice.  
I think you’ve figured it all out, but if it wasn’t abundantly clear...  
Look up. **

This was entirely Ryujin and Jungeun’s idea. For Hyunjin to stand here, in front of Heejin, with a goofy sign. It was practically sabotage.

But once she saw the huge smile on Heejin’s face, she let out a breath.

The sign read: Hyunjin (Yellow) + Heejin with a poorly drawn heart surrounding it. The empty space was filled with rainbow stickers, courtesy of Jungeun.

“I’m finally speaking my truth.” She tried her best to ignore the attention her sign was drawing, and focused back on Heejin, who rushed forward to wrap her in a hug.

Hyunjin did it, she finally did it

“I’m so proud of you.” Heejin’s words were muffled, but Hyunjin heard them loud and clear. She felt Heejin pull back, only for her to lean in and place a soft kiss on her cheek.

It just felt like Hyunjin was right where she was supposed to be, in Heejin’s arms, engulfed by her warmth and kindness and never ending support.

———

“I knew your gaydar was too good for you to be straight.”

Jungeun threw a fry at Heejin, but Hyunjin successfully whacked it away before it could even reach her girlfriend.

_Girlfriend._

She leaned into Heejin, squeezing her hand under the table. The three of them were sitting in the food court at the mall, waiting on _Jungeun’s_ girl. An impromptu double date.

“Are you implying that all gay people have good gaydar? Because you certainly don’t.”

Now Heejin was the one throwing a fry.

Hyunjin watched as a mini food fight ensued between the two, feeling the most content she’s ever been in her entire life.


End file.
